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I wonder where you learned to be so good
I wonder if I'm doing the best I could
I could be somewhere else
I should be someone else but
You wouldn't know me if I was
You'd say I was a stranger just because
You'd say I wasn't weak enough for you

semalina: bitching at you in my head. read what i'm thinking.

to livejournal. This is a new blog and the one that I'm gonna post shit on. Despite the fact that I really love this layout, it's not really user friendly (to me and to the nobody who reads this). Oh well. Later.
My therapist wants me to label my emotions in a journal, so I'm going to use this to sort it out. I'm not sure if I'm going to use this blog, but if I can't make them private then I will.

I don't really know what to do.
I wish I would just get my fucking period already. I don't need to feel emotional. Being depressed and being emotional don't go well together. Ugh, I'm just so done with feeling like this. Like playing fucking tag with myself. 
Since no one reads this anyways, I guess I can talk about what troubles me.

I need a job. Better yet, a better paying job with reliable hours. What the fuck am I going to do over the next 8 months? I can't keep doing what I've been doing for the past, how long as it been....5 years? How convenient that leads to my next topic.

I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. Not full blown- t.v ad- I'm so sad I can barely function- depressed (although that could probably be debated), but enough that I'm sure that's why I failed school. I'm so tired of being tired. It's not good that I can just sleep the day away. I'm tired of not really feeling anything. I'm not excited. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. Irritated that I'm not feeling any of these things, but only when I think about it. Why can't I just be in a good mood? For no reason? Do all people need outside stimuli to be happy or get excited. Sometimes I do genuinely feel content when I'm around people, and other times I just have to pretend that I'm enjoying myself. I'm happiest when I'm talking to friends and socializing, but it's not all the times. I'm fucking 2o. A goddam adult. I've got responsibilities. How can I do them if I can barely find the will to get out of bed? Ugh, I'm just so tired of feeling like this.

*sigh*
So it's 2009, how about that? Can't say I've done much except fail at life, but then again, I've been doing that for quite some time now, so nothing new.

I just wanted to write down the things that I want this year, if I remember I'll cross off when I've acquired *snort* the items. Feel free to help me purchase them!

• These Ray Bans (obviously not with that price, ebay help me out!)
• A new laptop (suggestions would be wonderful)
• Make-up (trying to me more womanly)
• A(nother) job (being the Loft's bitch isn't fun, surprise surprise)
• A boy (I don't really want to buy a boy, but...if that's what it takes *sigh*)
• Friends (similar to the boy situation, but if I have to, jk jk)
• New sneakers: either these, these, these, or these (mostly the first 3 though)
  

That's all I can think of now
"It distressed us to return something that is not perfect"





I just want to remember that

Labels: random

(Pertaining to the feminist agenda)

It's okay, I keep a copy in my flayed man-skin portfolio:

8:00 Morning prayers to heathen Earth Goddess

8:30 Shower, DON'T shave, slip into Birkenstocks

9:00 Breakfast (Masculinity with a side of wheat toast)

10:00 Lesbian Orgy

1:00 Abortions for everyone!!!

3:00 Some rally or another where we all wear pink ironically, shave our heads and dance around a burning phallus effigy.

7:00 More amoral devotions to the Almighty Yoni

8:00 Voodoo/Satanic ritual against "happy women"

9:00 Rachel Maddow

10:00 Bed. Begin again tomorrow.

they're just as boring as me

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